she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
