Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
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