i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Your cock deserves a montage
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
