woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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