She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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