I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
