we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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