soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
