That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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