Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
