Is it normal to miss your booty call?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
