Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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