how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
