She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
