Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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