i already hear my dad disowning me
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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