Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
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I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
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i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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