I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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