its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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