this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
It's rum buckets o'clock
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