Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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