saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
