I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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