I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
