I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
