She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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