Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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