I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Randomize
