I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
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i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
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I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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