brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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