I forgot how hot balto sounded
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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