take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
we're making bets on your personal life
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
