Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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