All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
