So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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