i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
