She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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