I accidentally burped into my bong.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
