I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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