im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
