just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
