I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
