i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I don't deserve a penis
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
