He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Randomize
