We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
