Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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