when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
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It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
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"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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