Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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