D3 body, D1 cock
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
