I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I want her autograph on my taint
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
