Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Nobody cheats on THIS.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
