i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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