Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I need water and some morals
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
