4 words: hood of his car
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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