I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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