I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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