i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize