Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
