I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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