I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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