At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
