I don't think brook has ever known best
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
