so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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