You just made me feel so damn special
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
