i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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