Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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